I Miss Him

The-ShuGars-Dancing

 Mommy’s Corner is a weekly series exploring our journey in becoming parents, our love for our ShuGar baby, and general topics related to mommyhood.

Hope everyone had a restful weekend! Rest is a word not common in my vocabulary at the moment. Baby Camdie has proven to be very active these days so any type of relaxation doesn’t look possible in our near future. Nevertheless, I enjoy being up with him and watching him grow. Every day, he does something new that makes me fall in love with him a million times more.

This post is not about my baby, at least not directly. This time I am choosing to write about Mr. ShuGar and our life post-baby. I’d like to share what it has been like for our life as a married couple now that we have added a plus one to our original party of two.

In the interest of preserving our privacy as a couple and being respectful of Mr. ShuGar, I will only speak in generalities and I will focus this post from my perspective. Mr. ShuGar’s opinions are his own and I have not incorporated his thoughts in this piece.

In short, I can summarize this post in three simple, but profound words.

I miss him.

Really, that is all, but it’s also everything.

Having a child is a blessing. It’s a living representation of a modern-day miracle. Therefore, I do not mean to sound ungrateful or even unhappy. Yet, adding another person to an already established relationship is an adjustment with both its pros and cons. We are currently in a transition period and I share with you how this feels in the hope that you will understand the many ways a baby changes your life.

Luckily, Mr. ShuGar and I enjoyed a wonderful courtship and had an established, healthy marriage before we decided to expand our family. I cherish all those moments we had together. He is my dream come true and trust me when I say I had several relationship nightmares before he came along.

However, these days all we do is care for our little Camden Boy. We don’t have much time at all to invest in “us” anymore. Because of this, I miss Mr. ShuGar. I guess you can say I am mourning what we once had. I know this is perfectly normal because my teacher in my Mommy and Me class told us so. She said that many couples go through a rough transition once a baby arrives. It’s not easy incorporating a new person into what was just the two of us.

I long for the days when we would go out and watch the latest indie movie. I wish we could just lay in bed in our bedroom and stare at the beautiful plants we planted together years ago. I would love to go back to explore Australia as we did in our honeymoon. I miss something as simple as walking and holding his hand. These are the little things I cherish in our marriage. At least for the time being, they are gone. Because of that, I am expressing nostalgia – these feelings represent what we were and where we currently are.

It makes sense that we don’t have time for each other. Taking care of Mister Camden is more than a full-time job, as it should be. It would be selfish and completely irresponsible of us to not dedicate our entire existence to caring for our newborn. Yet, this does not mean that we as a couple have dissolved into the past. Quite the contrary, acknowledging the value of our relationship is what I hope will keep the romance and love alive. I believe Ben Affleck had said it best when he said, “[Marriage is] good, it is work, but it’s the best kind of work, and there’s no one I’d rather work with.” Well said, indeed.

I know we will never be that same couple pre-baby, at least not any time soon. I do realize we will evolve and have an even deeper relationship because we now have an even greater purpose that connects us – our love and devotion for ShuGar Baby. This has brought us so much closer than I could have ever imagined. At the same time, it has also taken time away from nourishing our relationship because Camden needs to be fed and have his diaper changed at all hours of the day. It is our life now and I accept that.

I hope those of you out there who are contemplating having a baby take time to nourish your relationship beforehand. You need to have a closeness as a couple before you decide to become mommy and daddy because, truth be told, parenting is not easy. Lack of sleep, stress, and a huge learning curve can play tricks on your sanity. Cherish the two of you; go on that long-awaited trip to Europe; sleep in together; hold hands when you are walking to the supermarket. Do all those things that make you “you.” It is these memories that will sustain you through the dark times and make you come out of them stronger.

Mr. ShuGar – if you are reading this I want you to know that I adore you. You are the best daddy to our little Camdie. I know we don’t have time for us these days, but please remember that I will love you forever.

How has your relationship changed since you had a child (children)? What do you miss? If you do not have children, what are some things you cherish about your relationship?

P.S. I cried several times writing this post. Thank you. It was cathartic.

Photo credit: Ashley Rose Photography

 

  • http://thisperfectlyunperfectlife.blogspot.com Crista

    I know exactly how you feel, I miss the days with my mountain man when he has off and we can just be us while my other 2 are at school. Now with little man we can’t be spontaneous during the day and its ok. :)

    • http://shugarlove.com/ Mrs.ShuGar

      Yup, that’s right! I miss those special moments with the two of us. I guess I will have to wait for when ShuGar Boy is older and in school to reclaim some of our “us” time. It’s just different and we have to adjust. Thanks for visiting!

  • http://inspiremyfancy.blogspot.com Tania Franco

    This is great advise because sometimes people don’t stop to think how much of an impact a baby is to a relationship. Glad you did, and I’m sure you will get to experience some alone time together as Camden gets a little older. Kids grow up so fast!

    Much Love,
    Tania

    • http://shugarlove.com/ Mrs.ShuGar

      Exactly! I thought I would bring light to what people may not think about, but is important. You are right; we just have to wait and ride out this time period. It is all worth it, but sometimes you do just miss the alone time with your love. Isn’t it crazy how much they grow!!!

  • Julie

    My husband and I try to at least have a date once a month. Sometimes we don’t get that. My husband and I look forward to evenings after bedtime (if all goes well) to cuddle on the couch and watch a tv show or movie.

    • http://shugarlove.com/ Mrs.ShuGar

      That’s a great idea! My mom has offered to care for him whenever we decide to go out on a date. As of now, if Camden does sleep during his bedtime, we go right to bed because we’re so tired. I’m looking forward to more date nights as things get easier. I’d love to watch a movie all in one sitting!

  • shy

    Our marriage pretty much changed the same as you described it. After 10 years of having our daughter in our lives (and it’s been ten years I’ve loved even with all the hardships), I still sometimes miss my husband even though I see him every day nearly. It’s just that like you said, I see him during the ‘daily grind’ rather than the quality time we use to have more of.

    That’s why we made sure we got date nights. Not easy when your little one is so young but as they grow older, it becomes easier. Even 1 hour to grab a cup of coffee together while a relative minded our daughter when she was a few months old, helped a lot.

    My aunt, though, use to live across our backyard. It was easy for her to just come over during our daughter’s nap. Now, our daughter will sleep over at my parents’ place for a weekend a few times a year just so my husband and I can have a whole date-weekend!

    It actually becomes more challenging as they get older – there’s more activities they are involved in but they need us to take them to and from. We also are more physically active together as a family.

    At the same time, they don’t need you as much so while they are reading a book, you can steal some time with hubby to have a cup of coffee and chat (you find time even if broken up to 15 minute segments).

    • http://shugarlove.com/ Mrs.ShuGar

      This is all great advice! Thanks so much. It’s so fascinating to see how things change as they get older. I’m glad to hear that you understand the whole missing the “us” time. It’s nostalgia of what was and it doesn’t mean we don’t love our life now, but it’s just hard sometimes when you are in the same room together but feel so apart because you’re so tired. I look forward to having one of your date-weekends! How fun that would be. Although, I am sure I will miss my little man all weekend. I can imagine it is challenging with all their involvement but probably also more fun that constantly changing diapers! I look forward to the days when Camden can read a book while I blog =) Hugs!