Mommy’s Corner is a weekly series exploring our journey in becoming parents, our love for our ShuGar baby, and general topics related to mommyhood.
Hope everyone had a restful weekend! Rest is a word not common in my vocabulary at the moment. Baby Camdie has proven to be very active these days so any type of relaxation doesn’t look possible in our near future. Nevertheless, I enjoy being up with him and watching him grow. Every day, he does something new that makes me fall in love with him a million times more.
This post is not about my baby, at least not directly. This time I am choosing to write about Mr. ShuGar and our life post-baby. I’d like to share what it has been like for our life as a married couple now that we have added a plus one to our original party of two.
In the interest of preserving our privacy as a couple and being respectful of Mr. ShuGar, I will only speak in generalities and I will focus this post from my perspective. Mr. ShuGar’s opinions are his own and I have not incorporated his thoughts in this piece.
In short, I can summarize this post in three simple, but profound words.
I miss him.
Really, that is all, but it’s also everything.
Having a child is a blessing. It’s a living representation of a modern-day miracle. Therefore, I do not mean to sound ungrateful or even unhappy. Yet, adding another person to an already established relationship is an adjustment with both its pros and cons. We are currently in a transition period and I share with you how this feels in the hope that you will understand the many ways a baby changes your life.
Luckily, Mr. ShuGar and I enjoyed a wonderful courtship and had an established, healthy marriage before we decided to expand our family. I cherish all those moments we had together. He is my dream come true and trust me when I say I had several relationship nightmares before he came along.
However, these days all we do is care for our little Camden Boy. We don’t have much time at all to invest in “us” anymore. Because of this, I miss Mr. ShuGar. I guess you can say I am mourning what we once had. I know this is perfectly normal because my teacher in my Mommy and Me class told us so. She said that many couples go through a rough transition once a baby arrives. It’s not easy incorporating a new person into what was just the two of us.
I long for the days when we would go out and watch the latest indie movie. I wish we could just lay in bed in our bedroom and stare at the beautiful plants we planted together years ago. I would love to go back to explore Australia as we did in our honeymoon. I miss something as simple as walking and holding his hand. These are the little things I cherish in our marriage. At least for the time being, they are gone. Because of that, I am expressing nostalgia – these feelings represent what we were and where we currently are.
It makes sense that we don’t have time for each other. Taking care of Mister Camden is more than a full-time job, as it should be. It would be selfish and completely irresponsible of us to not dedicate our entire existence to caring for our newborn. Yet, this does not mean that we as a couple have dissolved into the past. Quite the contrary, acknowledging the value of our relationship is what I hope will keep the romance and love alive. I believe Ben Affleck had said it best when he said, “[Marriage is] good, it is work, but it’s the best kind of work, and there’s no one I’d rather work with.” Well said, indeed.
I know we will never be that same couple pre-baby, at least not any time soon. I do realize we will evolve and have an even deeper relationship because we now have an even greater purpose that connects us – our love and devotion for ShuGar Baby. This has brought us so much closer than I could have ever imagined. At the same time, it has also taken time away from nourishing our relationship because Camden needs to be fed and have his diaper changed at all hours of the day. It is our life now and I accept that.
I hope those of you out there who are contemplating having a baby take time to nourish your relationship beforehand. You need to have a closeness as a couple before you decide to become mommy and daddy because, truth be told, parenting is not easy. Lack of sleep, stress, and a huge learning curve can play tricks on your sanity. Cherish the two of you; go on that long-awaited trip to Europe; sleep in together; hold hands when you are walking to the supermarket. Do all those things that make you “you.” It is these memories that will sustain you through the dark times and make you come out of them stronger.
Mr. ShuGar – if you are reading this I want you to know that I adore you. You are the best daddy to our little Camdie. I know we don’t have time for us these days, but please remember that I will love you forever.
How has your relationship changed since you had a child (children)? What do you miss? If you do not have children, what are some things you cherish about your relationship?
P.S. I cried several times writing this post. Thank you. It was cathartic.
Photo credit: Ashley Rose Photography