Dear ShuGar Loves: Let’s have a heart to heart. As you know, I am a first time mom to our deliciously scrumptious son, Camden. It goes without saying that I am madly in love. However, I must confess that these almost first four months have not been easy on me. From the 22-hour labor, to my struggles with breastfeeding and postpartum, I feel like I have survived a war. I do want to state that for some women, their labors are easy and they transition into motherhood smoothly. For me, things are better all around, but I now find myself exhausted and feeling like there is not enough time in the day to accomplish everything I want to.
You see, I have returned to my full-time job while, at the same time, sweet Camdie has regressed with his sleeping. In addition, he seems to dislike several formulas we have fed him and/or bottles. Needless to say, the phrase, “I am busy” appears to be an understatement.
The fact that I have returned to work has resulted in me neglecting my blog. Before, I used to blog in the wee hours of the morning or late night. I just can’t these days. With our beautiful boy waking up 3-4 times a night, I am a walking zombie during the day. Because of this, I feel that my content has suffered and I cannot be the blogger I know I can be. Instead of hiding this from you and pretending like I can do it all (such a misnomer), I say with all sincerity motherhood is hard. I am a better person as a mom, but I am also trying to figure out what that new “me” is. What I do know is that my boy is my number one priority. Because of that, I feel that I have to take a break from this lovely blog of mine to be his mommy.
This, of course, means that I must sleep whenever I have free time. It’s for my sanity and that of my family’s. This is bittersweet for me. I love blogging. It’s the one thing that I have these days that is truly all mine. Writing is in my core and I feel most connected to my soul whenever I devise a blog post. I have been blessed with having the honor of writing for you. Your comments and messages have all touched my heart. I just need you to know that.
For now, I must tell you I have to take a break from my little corner of the Internet. I know I risk you never coming back or forgetting about me, but that is a risk I must take. As I contemplated doing this, I realized I was born to write because so many future posts were swimming in my head. I have so much more I want to share. Some ideas I have are: What it means to be a working mom vs. a stay at home mom, summer nights at the Hollywood Bowl, Can mothers have it all?, Fall fashion wants, movie review of Boyhood, our 3-year wedding anniversary take-aways, L.A. museum visits, and the truth about post-partum depression.
And with that I tell my readers I’ll see you later. I hope to come back when Camdie is sleeping more. I will still post photos of my heart on instagram and facebook. When I do return, I would love to reconnect with you, but I understand if you can’t wait. Know that I thank you for allowing me to share my heart with yours.
P.S. This article made me cry.
Photo credit: Peter Shushtari
