Category Archives: ShuGar Baby

Dear (Hopefully Future) ShuGar Baby: The Day We Met

Disclaimer: I am not pregnant.

I was having a conversation with someone recently and she said she wanted to write letters to her future child so that she could remember all the things she’s learned and wants her future child to benefit from knowing.  I thought this was a brilliant idea and I would like to do the same. What better platform to do it than my blog dedicated to my heart!

Mr. ShuGar and I hope to one day be blessed with a ShuGar baby. We know it’s a miracle to have a child and we pray we are lucky enough to be given this gift. In the meantime, I would like to open my heart to my future ShuGar baby and tell our baby stories and share some advice.  I also love the idea of chronicling our journey to be parents so that our child can one day hopefully read it and know our ShuGar story.

Dear ShuGar Baby:

Do you want to know how your parents met? It’s an incredible story of luck, destiny, choices and, above all else, love.  

I was looking for an additional job to earn some extra money.  I didn’t have many options because I had to find a part time job that would fit into my limited availability. After searching for months, I finally found one and was so relieved.  Of course, I didn’t know it at the time, but this job would change my life forever. Your daddy was working at this job and trained me on my duties.

However, your daddy and I didn’t initially feel love at first sight because I was in a relationship when we first met.  Plus, your daddy was busy working on his film projects so he didn’t have much time for love. Even though I was with another man when I met your daddy, I was immediately attracted to him the moment we were introduced.  Nevertheless, nothing happened for quite some time because I was deeply involved with someone else.  This someone else was not the right person for me; we had many problems, but I was too blind to see them during that time. Sometimes, you give your heart to the wrong person.

Your daddy and I only saw each other for four hours a week at that job; it’s not much time at all to get to know someone. Yet, that’s all it took. We became friends and I was drawn to your daddy’s kindness and his talent.  We liked each other from the very start. 

 At some point, my dysfunctional relationship ended and I was heartbroken.  It was one of the most difficult moments of my life – learning to let go of an unhealthy love.  Your daddy was there comforting me and listening to my heartache.  He always respected me.  You should know, not all men treat women with kindness and respect.

One of our recurring conversations between your daddy and I was about the movie The Godfather.  He couldn’t believe I had never seen the movie. You see – this is one of your daddy’s favorite movies of all time.  It was hard for him to understand how I never watched his favorite movie.  We had many talks about why he loved the movie and the importance of the film.  You know how much your daddy loves movies, right? Well, he asked me repeatedly when I was going to visit his neighborhood to watch the movie together. 

Time passed – we became closer as my heart slowly began to heal.  I was a little nervous getting involved with someone I worked with because I like to keep things professional at work.  Just like the movie says, “It’s not personal. It’s strictly business.” At least, this is what I always told myself about dating anyone I worked with.  But, I couldn’t resist your daddy’s charm.  We had a chemistry that was undeniable and it was just a matter of time before we took our relationship to a romantic level.

One day, we finally picked a date for me to visit your daddy to watch The Godfather.  When that day came, we immediately connected and from that point forward, we began to establish our love.  We enjoyed spending time together very much.  With each date, I fell in love with your daddy more and more.  How could I not? He’s so dreamy and his heart is endlessly loving. Oh, and that smile!

I tell you this story for two reasons: 

(1) Never settle for someone you do not deserve.  Many women are afraid to leave an unhealthy relationship because of the fear of either being alone or of not finding the right mate. Regardless of these valid concerns, you need to give your heart to someone who is worthy of holding it in his/her hands.  Do not waste your time and energy with someone that does not respect you.  It will be the mistake you regret for the rest of your life.  I am proud that I was able to walk away from an unhealthy relationship. It was scary, but I finally had the courage to do it.  Always remember your worth.  

(2)  Never lose hope of finding love. You never know when love will find you. Don’t let your heartache cloud your faith in love.  You can survive a broken heart. When I met your daddy, I was not looking for love. I was completely absorbed with someone else who wasn’t the best partner for me.  I never knew that accepting that new job would bring me to the love of my life.  There is no formula to finding love; just believe and never give up. It may not be easy to find it, but you will.   Finding and choosing your true love are important choices you will make it your life.  Choose wisely and do not despair. Love will find its way into your life when you probably least expect it.

Turns out, it was always personal and not business.  I fell in love with your daddy because I allowed myself to make it personal and not strictly business.  I opened my heart to the possibility of loving and trusting someone again.  Life is about these personal choices and connections we make. It’s why we live and it is why we love.

We love you, ShuGar Baby.

Photo credit: Gabriel Suarez

Mrs. ShuGAr Signature1

ShuGar Baby

ShuGar Baby

Photo credit: ravelry.com – Suzanne Resaul

No, I am not pregnant. But for the first time in my life, I wish I were. As I mentioned in a previous blog post about my maternal instincts, I have never been the type of gal to say her life long dream was to be a mother. I have always been very career-focused and my only dream was to travel the world.

Something happened when I met Mr. ShuGar.

Before I met him, I had several relationships, but none that ever inspired me to want to be a mother. It was not until I fell in love with Mr. ShuGar that I began to entertain the thought of starting a family. Soon after that, I would catch myself gazing at him and wondering if our ShuGar babies would look just as cute as him.

Life, in its infinite wisdom, is not making it so easy now that we decided to try for baby. It’s almost as if we are being told, “Well, now that you changed your mind, you’re going to have to work for it.” I guess I always thought that once you decide to have a baby – poof! You become pregnant. Nope. It doesn’t work that way.

I can recall the exact day I knew I wanted to have a ShuGar baby. It was just this year and I had made yet another appointment with the infamous OBGYN. I asked my supervisor to leave work early to go to the doctor. Of course, there was traffic at 2:30 p.m. It’s LA after all. I was basically stuck in a parking lot on a semi-major street watching the clock taunt me as the minutes passed by. I couldn’t believe that I left an hour early to go less than ten miles and I was going to be late.

After about 30 minutes in bumper-to-bumper traffic, my car (and I) were fuming. This was to be my first official pre-conception appointment and I was going to miss it!

And then it happened, a car hit me from behind. Now, I have been in several accidents before so I am well aware of the thoughts that rush into your head the second you are hit. Yet, none of those thoughts popped into my head.

Instead, I thought, “Who cares? I just gotta make this appointment. I’ll just keep on driving.”

That is so-not a Mrs. ShuGar response. After a few more minutes of sitting in my car contemplating what to do, I stepped out and talked to the young lady who rear-ended me. She was clearly upset, tears filling up in her eyes, and immensely apologetic as she explained her excuse.

Me – I was calm and direct. “I need to make it to my doctor’s appointment. We want to have a baby.” That was the first time I uttered those words out loud – to a stranger no less! Something kicked in inside of me as soon as I said that. I quickly instructed her to exchange our information.  I then got into my car, found a side street and began maneuvering my path around the traffic jam. I swirled in and out of all sorts of cars and, in the meantime, called my doctor and told her I would be late, but I WOULD BE THERE.

Driving to the doctor, I began to get really emotional. I wasn’t going to let anything get in my way of this appointment. I wanted to be there – I wanted to become a mommy.  Crying at this point, I was thinking that this maybe was a sign that I wasn’t supposed to have a child because I never wanted one before. I felt remorse and guilt for my previous feelings and, by the time I got to the doctor’s office, my face was all puffy and red. Nonetheless, I made it and I was only 45 minutes late.

That was the day my ShuGar baby was born in my heart. On that day, I felt my motherly instincts kick in and I had never really felt that before. Semi – tangent: And so my blog was born out of my desire to chronicle my journey to become a mother.

Turns out, wanting to have a baby and having a baby are two very different goals. The former took me a while and the latter is proving challenging. Yet, we are finally here and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Turns out the missing piece was the right person to be the daddy. Now, all we need is our ShuGar baby to make our family complete.

My heart in my hands

Your heart in your hands.

Your heart in your hands.

I’m not a baby person. I have never gone goo-goo or ga-ga over any baby. I’m not heartless, I just never fell head-over-heels in love with a baby. Maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up with any young children so I have had limited exposure. Or I just never found the right man to be the right father. Or maybe it’s because I don’t have the mommy gene that most women seem to have. Either way, I have always been ashamed to admit my baby-less fever.

Then came Mr. ShuGar into my life and my world changed. For the first time, I began to contemplate life as a mother because I found someone I could give my whole heart to. I know Mr. ShuGar would be a good father because he understands the meaning of love. The thought of having a child with him makes me feel a blend of excitement mixed in with joy and sprinkles of nervousness. But mostly, it makes me feel layers and layers of pure love.

I asked a very close friend of mine what it feels like to be a mother. She said the moment your baby is born and you hold the baby in your arms you feel so vulnerable because it is as if “you are holding your own heart in your hands and you would do anything to protect your heart.” I have always loved that image. I feel it perfectly describes unconditional love. I want to know how it feels to hold our hearts in our hands.

And so is the beginning of a new journey for us. No baby growing in my belly just yet. No specific plans of when that will actually happen. However, I have a feeling growing inside of me of what life can be when two hearts create a baby heart.

Photo credit: Pinterest – maryruffle