Mother To All

Mommy’s Corner is a weekly series exploring our journey in becoming parents, our love for our ShuGar baby, and general topics related to mommyhood.

Hi ShuGar Lovelies! How are you? I sure miss you although I love to hear from you on Instagram. Life as a working mom is busy and that’s why I haven’t popped in for a while. However, I have SO much content I want to share with you all; I feel like I have blog posts already written in my mind, like this one I am about to share.

Let me start by saying prior to Camden being born, I was not a baby person. Like not even a little bit; he was the first infant I had ever held.  I would actually get annoyed when little kids would be running around and being messy and I’d wonder why parents couldn’t control their children! Boy, have I learned my lesson on that one!

Fast forward to the present and I am an entirely different person now that I am a mommy; in fact, I feel like I have become a mommy to all and sometimes this new identity weighs heavily on my heart.

Allow me to explain…

Actually, allow me to try to explain because what I feel inside around any child is difficult to put into words. It’s as if this motherly love button inside my heart and soul has been switched “on” and now my connection to all children is powerful; I can’t turn it off even if I wanted to.

It doesn’t matter if I know the child or not, I feel a strong connection to any little human and I want to instinctively protect them. Of course, this means that sometimes I take things maybe too personally when I see a child in pain; my heart becomes heavy with emotion and wants to immediately soothe them.

Does every mother feel this way? Am I some sort of a female anomaly?

Two cases in point:

(1) A close friend of ours recently passed away; we are still dealing with his loss. What has been even more difficult is the fact that he had primary custody over his son. He was a great father and now his son is fatherless. My first reaction when I found out about his death (after being in total shock) was.”I would love to adopt his son. I want to take care of him.” The old Mrs. ShuGar would have never had these thoughts! Now, I feel the need to comfort any child who is is pain.

(2) A few months ago, a close friend had a baby. Unfortunately, her baby was born prematurely and the hospital had to do extensive testing on the baby because there were several complications. For weeks, I was heartbroken; I couldn’t stop thinking of this baby and wondering if she was in pain. All I wanted to do was go to her side and tell her everything is going to be alright because in my heart it had to be. Again, prior to being a mommy I would probably have had sympathy in this situation, but certainly not this extent of empathy.

Gone are the days when I could scroll down my facebook feed and not see these horrific images of babies who have birth defects because their mothers had consumed drugs or alcohol when they were pregnant. The moment I read these stories or see a video of a baby who can’t stop shaking, I fall apart! The image is imprinted in my head and I even have nightmares about it!

When I am minding my own business and waiting to pay for what usually is a cartful of supermarket purchases, I inevitably hear a baby start to whine and almost instantaneously I want to get up and hug the child. It’s a gut reaction and one that I have to remind myself to ignore. Can you imagine what a fellow mommy would think if I tried to help her with her tantrumy toddler? I have done that before and so far all moms have been grateful, but I know I should probably stop doing this.

Why can’t I turn this “mommy to all” thing off? Sometimes I wish I could just be more like the pre-mommy I was.

And then most days I reflect on the power of this love inside of me inspired by my son Camden. He is the source of this unrelating motherly love I possess and for that I thank him daily. He has taught me to expand my heart and open it to all little people.

I could spend all hours of the day watching him marvel as he waters the plants in our backyard or sitting beside him as he studies the intricate details in the texture of leaves.

My boy has given me these magical mommy powers and although it is a burden sometimes, I can’t help but think how blessed I am to feel this motherly connection to all. He has made me super human with his existence.

Do you ever feel a sense of connection to babies beside your own? Do you feel this baby love even though you may not have any children? Does it sometimes overtake you? How have you changed since becoming a mommy?

 

  • Julie

    There are times when my motherly instincts come in when I see other kids not dressed warm enough for the weather. “They should be wearing a coat.” “It’s not warm enough for shorts.” It’s hard to shut that motherly instinct off.

    • Haha! I totally know what you mean! That motherly instinct is powerful and I am sure for you even more with 3 kids. Congrats on baby #3! She’s so beautiful, Julie!

      • Julie

        I never say anything, but I sure think it. I know someone who’s son is 3 years old (birthday is the same month as my 3 year old). I know that boys and girls development is different at the same age, but he seems so far behind than my 3 year old. He hardly talks and acts babyish. I know if the mom notices, but I have noticed that she talks to him in a baby voice. I don’t know her situation is with him, but I don’t think it’s going to help his development if she talks to him like that.

        • For sure! Research has shown that we should talk to our babes the way we want them to respond. It’s only rationale to model this behavior. Saying anything is tough because she may get defensive. I hope she learns on her own or maybe by you making some subtle suggestions. It’s hard when you want to speak up but also respect other people’s parenting choices.

  • Jennifer Smith

    I LOVE this post! And yes – I’ve had so many of these same experiences, but could never put it into words the way you do. Thank you, and so sorry for your loss. Prayers for all.

    • Thank you, Jenn! I appreciate the blog love. Also, thank you for your condolences.

  • Lisa

    I am the opposite but the same.. meaning I have always been connected to children and children connect to me very quickly just by a smile. Prior to having children, I never thought of having my own to be honest. As a young mom I had to figure out mom-mode quick whether I was going to like this kid or not. LOL
    Either way as my kids are getting older…teenagers!! I can turn off my “Lisa loving all kids” switch off quick! More with my own teenage attitudes floating in my home but as well with other kids that are bratty or disrespectful. My whole “I LOVE EVERY KID” changed. I can easily not want a child or like one at all. LOL Maybe being a mom of 3 ruined me?!?! ha ha ha
    Although I see baby pictures of all the new babies. I sure don’t want to have another baby..heck no!!! I was never a happy prego woman and raising kids is 100% the best thing I every done but I want no more kids of my own. However, being a grandma can wait, but I can not wait at the same time, because those grandchildren are going to be SPOILED, love them, kiss and hug them..then send them HOME! (My luck their home will be my spare room in my house.) LOL
    WOW!!! Scary thought Carmen….I can technically be a grandma soon. Ok I am stopping now.
    xoxox ~ Lisa
    BTW – Sorry for your loss of your friend.

    • Thanks for sharing, Lisa. Yeah, when you become a mom it’s sink or swim moments right away. I cannot even imagine all the trials and tribulations you have to deal with as they become teenagers. Don’t think you are ruined at all! Just that you’ve evolved.

      Yes, you will be a super loving and beautiful grandma one day! But for now, you can enjoy “you” more as you’ve earned it.

      For me, I just can’t seem to get so affected by motherhood and other babies. I want to just protect them all! So weird since I was never, ever that way. We’ll see how I evolve like you.

      Thank you for support and love, Lisa!

  • Jennice

    All the time!!! I get all emotional just looking at baby items. In the spring/summer i go to Central Park in NYC and just sit on a bench watching the babies interacting with (in most cases) the life around them.