Good Enough


 Mommy’s Corner is a weekly series exploring our journey in becoming parents, our love for our ShuGar baby, and general topics related to mommyhood.

Hi there and Happy July! A year ago this month, we found out we were pregnant. It’s amazing how life can change and you can be bestowed such a beautiful gift. As such, a year later I feel like I am a different person. My identity has changed. I am a mom and I will forever never be the same. One of the many lessons of motherhood (and there are many) is learning to be unperfect. And, yes, I just made up my own word.

Does life ever go according to your plan? Well, this is a rhetorical question because we all know the answer is no. One of my favorite quotes is by John Lennon and I am sure you know it:

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

In motherhood it most definitely hardly ever goes according to plan because your baby is not a machine. He is a human being with his own temperament and desires. You cannot control how your baby will behave, even as hard as us mamas may try.

This has been extremely hard for me since I am a perfectionist. I have accomplished lots due to my control and ambition. I wouldn’t have a Master’s degree if I weren’t this way. When I set my mind to something I don’t give up until I complete it perfectly or close to it. My little Camdie has been the first “thing” in my life which is completely out of my control and I have struggled with accepting this. It isn’t easy for us perfectionists to admit we are powerless when it comes to our babies.

Case in point: Mister Camden does not want to nap on his own. He prefers our arms rather than his co-sleeper. If I didn’t have anything else to do, like take a shower, cook, or go to the restroom, this would not be a problem. However, I do have many things I’d love to do, including writing this post. Yet, ShuGar Boy has resisted my attempts to train him to nap during the day. I have tried it all and read all sorts of advice on the matter. Nothing has worked because my little Camden simply prefers the warmth of us rather than the cold sheets in his co-sleeper. I will say at night he sleeps there perfectly, but during the day he can’t stand it.

I have had to accept that Camdie is not ready to let us go just yet. When he is ready, he will sleep on his own but for the time being we will hold him because we adore him. For those out there wondering if we have tried the “cry it out” method, I say yes we have. I hate it. A lot. It was awful hearing my baby cry for 20+ minutes louder and louder. I rather pick him up and love him. My project to nap train my baby boy has gone awry and I have had to accept this. My love and care towards him when he is tired will be good enough. He may not be the best day time sleeper, but that’s ok. It is good enough.

This is easier to write than to believe. It is my new mantra as a mama. I am good enough. The house is filthy but it is good enough. Our dishes are constantly piling up in the sink but it is good enough. I respond to emails days later but this is good enough. I blog less often than I would like but it is good enough. Camden naps in our arms and that is good enough.

Whenever you begin to beat yourself up about not meeting some certain standard or fulfilling your own expectations, stop yourself and repeat you are good enough. This practice of self-love is a work in progress for me. I hope to one day embody this more easily and learn to accept that not everything should be perfect. There is beauty in tangents, exceptions, uniqueness, and flaws.

Are you a perfectionist? Do you set up expectations for yourself or your goals? Have you ever been disappointed? How have you tried to deal with these circumstances? How have your kids taught you lessons in life?

P.S. Those are Camdie’s feet…aren’t they delicious?

Photo credit: Carmen Garcia-Shushtari

  • O-M-G does this post ring true for me! I’ve written about it on my blog before, though not much lately. I’m letting go of more and more, but it’s still a struggle constantly. I am more often disappointed and upset about missed super-high-practically-unattainable expectations than most anything else in life. My high expectations are good, as you pointed out, yet they really get me into some trouble inside.

    Keep working on it, you’ll get more and more loose over time (at least that’s what I’ve found in my motherhood journey)! 🙂

  • I usually go with the flow now, I used want my kid to get straight A’s, but I had to accept it takes alot to motivate my kid to do well in school, and study. Through trial an error, I accept that my kid is not perfect, I’m not perfect. I learned to meet him half way, and motivate him as much as possible by enjoying him for who he is…a Social Butterfly! His social skills are out the roof, and I am thankful to have a great relationship with him. So yes I have struggled with my perfectionist views when it comes to parenting. Love Camdie’s feet picture!

    Much Love,