Mommy’s Corner is a weekly series exploring our journey in becoming parents, our love for our ShuGar baby, and general topics related to mommyhood.
Ladies, I’ve noticed that not only does there seem to be a divide between married and single gals, but there is also one between mommies and women who do not have kids. I wrote about the former a while back in this post and I loved reading your comments. It’s sort of fascinating how we pit ourselves against each other in these binary categories. Since I was formerly a non-mommy and I will soon enter the mommy club, I thought it would be interesting to have this conversation.
First of all, I admit before I was pregnant with ShuGar Boy, I, many times, felt so different to mommies. It’s as if I saw them living on an island that I would never be privy to. For example, I never understood why they changed their profile pictures to only have an image of their babies, or I was baffled by how many photos they would upload on facebook of their children doing the simplest things. It made me wonder. I also never quite got why every time I would have a convo with a mom, all she would talk about would be her kids. I remember thinking, “Do you have your own identity?”
Before I got married, I enjoyed my nomadic lifestyle. I reveled in the opportunity to live in another country whenever I could and most of my money was spent exploring the world and enjoying my life living in L.A. Having a baby was the last thing on my mind – it wasn’t even an afterthought.
Now that I am very pregnant, I can reflect on how remarkable life can bring change. I have made a conscious decision to close that chapter in my life to welcome our baby boy. We are blessed beyond measure. Before I depart forever from the non-mommy world, I’d like to help bridge the gap between both of our worlds by providing clarification on some misconceptions and/or mysteries about these two groups of women.
Women without kids are not empty
Now, this is a general statement, but just because a woman doesn’t have children doesn’t mean they have a vapid life. They have plenty of commitments which fill their daily lives, including their families, their interests and their careers. They don’t have hours to spare on weekends because they, too, have bills to pay, laundry to wash, people to see, and careers to attend to. Their lives are full, even though it may not involve little ones. I used to get annoyed when I would hear a mom tell me, “You don’t know what busy is.” Although there may be truth to that at some level, I know plenty of non-mommies, including myself at the time, whose lives were filled to the brim with commitments.
Moms are truly in love
The reason many mamas share pics on facebook or cannot stop talking about their babies is because they are beaming with love. It’s like the moment you met that one guy you can’t stop gushing over, but times a trillion because, in most cases, it involved carrying this person inside of you for nine months. The love is endless and all moms want to do is share the love. It’s not to annoy others, but instead to let the world know how madly in love you are. The love runs so deep you would do absolutely anything and everything for your baby. I had a non-mommy friend once tell me, “Just have one glass of wine. I’m sure the baby will be fine.” At that moment I realized the difference between mamas and non-mamas. The sacrifices we make as parents pale in comparison to protecting our little ones. We would give it all up in a flash as long as our babies are safe and loved.
Many Non-Mommies are childless by choice
This is, of course, not the case with all women, but many non-mommies made a conscious life choice to not have kids. They don’t have any regrets. They decided to pursue other goals and they shouldn’t be pitied. For the most part, most childless women who chose to not have kids lead fulfilling lives and don’t cry at night because they don’t have kids. I must acknowledge that there are those childless women who, by circumstances beyond their control, have no babies and it may be a painful choice they have had to come to terms with. Nevertheless, there are those women who never wanted to have children and it’s perfectly ok. You can still be considered feminine without having a child.
Moms are still cool
No, not all moms drive mini-vans or wear mom jeans. I’m picturing Cindy Walsh from Beverly Hill, 90210 who had the most hideous fashion. One of my closest friends is a major MILF and you would never know she had two kids. Mamas can still look hot and clean their baby’s poo-poo. They can dance, they may know the latest in music, while still keeping up-to-date on the latest trends in mommy world. They’re cool like that. I’d like to consider myself a MILF-in-training. No mom jeans will touch this body!
Women without kids have dreams too
Non-mommy dreams may just be different from mommies’. They might be saving money to buy a home, to move to a different country, to invest in the stock market, to buy those cute pair of shoes, and/or to have a girls’ trip. They shouldn’t be shamed by having these ambitions, regardless of how shallow it may appear to some mommies out there. They deserve to pursue those dreams, which can make their happiness a reality. These goals are just as valid as a mommy’s hopes.
Moms aren’t boring; They’re just really tired
I have yet to encounter the extent to which this statement is true, but I can taste it with the obligations I have had to attend to once I found out we were expecting. There is a lot of preparing for baby that comes in this nine month period. Plus, you are carrying a 25-pound bowling ball while you try to go about your “normal” life. I know this will multiply ten-fold the moment ShuGar Baby is born. Therefore, when people ask a mom to go out and she turns you down, it’s because, with the very little time she has, she would rather spend it with her precious baby, and/or she is exhausted from the massive to-do list she is still working on. Moms carry a lot of obligations and guilt many times. It’s the most important job I know I will ever have because it’s based on eternal love. Mommies don’t go to that bar at night because it would be a burden to their bodies and, more often than not, they enjoy just spending time with their families.
Non-mommies miss their mommy friends
Even though many non-mommies understand a mommy’s busy life, they still wish they could spend more time with their mama friends. They miss you and the friendship that was pre-baby. They look forward to the next time you have a free moment to spare so that they can catch up with you. Non-mommies are empathetic and nostalgic for their mommy pals. It’s a genuine love and they sure miss their mommy besties.
Mommies need breaks
Despite the fact that mommies are dedicated 200% to their families, they need a mental and physical break to keep their minds and bodies healthy. Just because a mommy may call you in desperation that she needs to get away, it does not mean she regrets being a mom or that she is in an unhappy marriage. She just needs to recharge every once in a while to maintain sanity. Mommies juggle a lot of responsibilities and being a mom is the hardest job of all because you are responsible for the well-being of a little person. Talk about pressure! They, too, can get burned out and need some breathing space to continue with parenting’s joys and challenges.
Mommy and Non-Mommies are both super women
Although there may be differences among these two female populations, they still have many similarities. The biggest I can see is that regardless if any woman has a child or not, all women are warriors. They deserve credit for all that they do for their jobs, families, homes, and themselves on a daily basis. Women are definitely Wonder Women – they deserve praise for all they do. Mommies and non-mommies should recognize that they are on the same team, but may just be playing with different equipment. In my most humble opinion, I quote Queen Bey when I say, “Girls Run this World.” We need to wake up and recognize we are all sistahs from other mistas!
Mommies and non-mommies, what thoughts do you have of each other? Are there misconceptions you had before that you now recognize as being inaccurate? Do you ever wonder how the other side lives their lives? Do you only associate with “your own kind”? Why?
Photo credit: Wonder Woman