Married Girls vs. Single Girls

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Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of articles out there pitting married girls against single girls.  It’s the “us” versus “them” language that I have found really intriguing being a newlywed myself.  It appears that once you get married, some single gals think we have crossed over to the dark side and no longer empathize with our single friends.  We become consumed with our “we” isms and are blinded by everlasting love.  Say what?

First of all, married life is not some utopia. It’s really hard work to maintain some iota of happiness and it just doesn’t magically appear every day as you slip on your wedding ring when you wake up.  It’s not easier or harder than being single, just different.  People who fantasize that being married will solve all their issues are in for a rude awakening.  If anything, marriage magnifies any baggage you bring into the relationship.

Also, please know that I was never one of those girls who was obsessed with getting married and having kids. That was sooo not me! I thought about it, but I also had a lot of other dreams that consumed my existence.

According to this article in Hello Giggles, some married girls can be annoying and be insensitive to the plight of singletons.  Apparently, once you say, “I do” some married women get instant amnesia about their life pre-wedding.  I don’t refute that there are women who obnoxiously claim martial bliss to their single friends, and I pity those poor single girls who have to suffer through that.  However, if I can speak in defense of us married gals, I have never forgotten my single days. Ever.  It’s one of the memories which gives me a daily reminder that I made the right choice.  Big time.  I remember how brutal it can to go through heart break after heart break and see no end in sight.  I can still picture myself with those men who weren’t worthy of having my heart.  Again, helpful reminders of why I chose Mr. ShuGar.  Just because we are married doesn’t mean we oversimplify a single girl’s existence.

I am happily married (with our bumps along the way) because I chose the right man.  Mr. ShuGar didn’t just automatically fall onto my lap and then get on one knee to propose.   I made a lot of bad and some good choices to get me to be ready for real love.  I was whole when I met him as was he.  Years before, I was broken, insecure and didn’t know what I deserved.

This brings me to my second point: settling to get married.  One of my favorite daily reads is Mara’s A Blog About Love.  She is so candid about her marriage and really tackles a lot of similar issues I discuss on my blog.  She brought up this whole “settling” for Mr. Good Enough instead of a reincarnation of Ryan Gosling.  To begin, I want my blog to be a no judgment zone.  If you are married and settled for whoever was so-so at the time, good for you.  You made the choice that was best for you and I respect that.

The larger issue is whether single girls should hold out hope for Mr. Prince Charming who is an Ivy League graduate, drives a Mercedes, is a partner at a prestigious law firm, likes to massage your feet after a long day at work and has a heart of gold.  This man probably does exist out there, but good luck waiting for meeting him.  Perfection does not exist, but only you can decide what your deal breakers are.  If you believe you can be happy with settling for something other than butterflies (Sex & the City reference from my girl Carrie), more power to ya!  Personally, I couldn’t do it.  Life is so challenging that I wanted to have a partner who inspired me to smile at the very look of him.

We need to embrace our choices and be responsible for them.  A close friend of mine once told me that dating is a preview of marriage.  If you see red flags while you are dating someone, walk away.  Marriage will only inflame those issues by 1,000%.  Time and time again I see ladies complain about their significant others and do nothing about it.  They continue to stay with their boyfriend in the hopes that he will change.  *Hint* He ain’t changing!  If you decide to marry this person, you need to understand that this is your choice and own it.  Don’t later play the victim. It’s so un-adult to do that.

Before I met Mr. ShuGar, I peacefully accepted that I may never find the man I want to marry.  I reevaluated my mistakes of the past and had certain criteria I was looking for in a husband.  I decided if I couldn’t find these characteristics, then I would remain single and I was ok with that. Acceptance was the point when I met Mr. ShuGar.  Out of nowhere, here he came and made me believe in love again, but a more profound love that I didn’t even know existed.  I was mature enough to realize that nice guys don’t finish last.  They actually make great husbands and don’t cheat on you.

So, single ladies, us married gals have your back.  We feel you.  We are not your frenemies.  We support your choices, and hope you make them wisely.  You deserve a man to love and respect you.  You shouldn’t settle for anything less.  Oh, and if being married is your ultimate goal, don’t lose hope.  Every married day reminds you how every decision you made and every tear you shed was worth it to bring you to this person you vowed to love for an eternity.

Cup of ShuGar is a series exploring the sweetness of life. For more Cup of ShuGar, click here!    

P.S. More reading about Smug Marrieds.

Photo credit: Carrie Bradshaw