A Crying Moment

switch

On Tuesday while driving into work,  I had a crying moment.  It wasn’t the kind of cry where small tears gently drip down your face.  It initially started out like that, but then the flood gates were opened and it rapidly became an ugly cry, snot included (sorry – TMI).  There was nothing significant about this particular Tuesday and the only trigger I can think of is the song that came up on my ipod – Gwen Stefani’s Early Winter.  Tangent – I have a major girl crush on her.

Anyways, I realize I was set off by the song because of its lyrics.  I have written about musical landmines before.  With this particular song, it reminded me of a situation I have been trying to diminish or to pretend it didn’t matter.  The problem with attempting to ignore your feelings is that one way or another, they’ll erupt.

I don’t want to be too specific about the particulars of the circumstance which triggered this cry fest.  I would like to respect the privacy of the person and I don’t think it’s necessary to the purpose of this post.  I will say that it is about “losing” someone I cared about and not really giving myself the time and place to grieve this change.  Life is busy, right? I have tons of emails to answer and even more meetings to attend.  I don’t have time to worry about someone hurting my heart.

So, I decided some time ago I would lock this in my heart and throw the key far, far away from here. This way, my emotional battle would just magically disappear.  Well, life has a funny way of making you deal with your inner demons or pain.  I guess my time has come.

Now, for some context to those who don’t know me personally, I am not a public crier.  I don’t do that.  I just don’t feel comfortable exposing myself in front of strangers.  My car is a safe space to do that, but certainly not on my way to work.  I don’t want to have those hideous red, puffy eyes right before an important meeting.  Therefore, my Tuesday crying was far from ideal.

Nevertheless, I’m glad I did it.  It felt really good, almost freeing.  I’m been repressing this way too long.  I don’t want my lovely readers to think I am a downer either.  I am sharing this with you so that we all can maybe learn to let ourselves grieve and be in sadness.  Not every moment has to be sunshine and rainbows.  Life is about times when you cry and then, hopefully, filled with more moments of smiles.  However, we must allow ourselves the time and space to process our emotions.

I need to grieve this loss.  Only then will my heart heal and I can finally let go of the past.  I didn’t realize I was in a stagnant emotional state.  I know I will be ok….one day.  For now, I am surrounding myself with love.  It’s the best cushion for a broken heart.  If I look closely at my future, I can see my heart whole again.

Cup of ShuGar is a series exploring the sweetness of life. For more Cup of ShuGar, click here!    

Photo credit: switch, tears   

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  • I think a bloody good cry is needed every so often… And never worry about being seen as a downer – everybody is here for support…

    • Thanks so much! I couldn’t agree more. I felt like I released something I was carrying for sooooo long. I appreciate your support beyond words!

  • I completely agree with Suzie! Sometimes a good cry is just what we need…And that would never make you seem like a downer – it just means your heart needed to let something out, and we all know what that’s like. Hopefully the tears started the healing process… Sending you hugs and support!

    • Thanks, Dounia. Your kindness is much appreciated. It’s amazing how much I was carrying for so long. My heart just had enough and I feel better already. Sometimes we, subconsciously, avoid facing difficult things as self-protection. It is time to face the music and move on. Many hugs!

  • Sorry for your loss. I think it is fantastic that you were able to let some of your emotions out in a good cry. I hope this next week is filled with love. *hugs*

    • Thanks so very, very much! The emotions just started flowing right out of me! A good cry has never felt soooo good!

  • so sorry~~ i think a good cry is soothing. hope you have a good rest of the week and weekend. sending support!!

    • Thanks, Jane! I feel much better after I released these pent up emotions. I’m still sad, but I feel stronger and more ready to move forward. I appreciate all your support!

  • Lisa Perine

    Mi querida amiga…As I cry now I thank God for you and this blog. A loss of love is huge and I’m learning to be patient and allow the process to truly heal.

    Love always!
    Lisa

    • Mi amiga querida: Thank you soooooo much for your support. I love you dearly and I know you know what this feels like. I admire your strength and courage and your advice. One day, we will both be whole again and be stronger for it. I love you!

  • thechicsahm

    A good cry is good for the soul. It let’s you get things out and somehow you’re better for having cried it out. I hope your cry added to your healing process.

    • You are soooo right! I felt better right after. It was amazing! I am not 100% yet, but I am on the path to be so. I appreciate you stopping by!

  • i so know what you are talking about – been in similar situations at various stages of my life. i think it’s great that you are able to dive deep into the truth behind your tears. it’s the understanding and acceptance of our own truths that is half the battle.

    • Glad to know I am not alone. The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to face the music and not avoid it. It’s precisely what you said of facing truth and embracing it. I appreciate all the love!

  • Michelle

    I am the biggest cry baby known to man… i cry everyday!
    However i feel your pain right now as i am in a similar situation, it is best to talk it out with helps alot. x

    • Haha! You’re so cute, Michelle. Oh, wow. You totally get what I am talking about. Talking & crying it out feels good. I’m here if you ever want to commiserate. Know you have a friend in me always. Many hugs!

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