I debated for a long time whether I should write about this. It’s not a very “happy” topic to discuss, but, ultimately, I feel it’s important to have a space for dialogue about infidelity. Ladies, let’s have a heart-to-heart.
Our media seems to be obsessed with celebrities and politicians who have had indiscretions, especially if there is evidence involved. Even the last movie I watched, Blue Jasmine, centers around infidelity in a marriage. The latest hot topic is, of course, the unfaithful Anthony Weiner and his wife, Huma Abedin. You must be living under a rock if you haven’t heard of the infamous Carlos Danger! (cracks me up every time) I’m not going to discuss politics on my blog – it’s such a turn off. What I will discuss is how we deal with infidelity and sisterhood.
There’s been a lot of judgment on whether or not Huma should stay in her marriage to her adulterer husband. Some support her dedication to her family, while others denounce her lack of self-worth in not leaving her cheating husband. My take on this: It’s her call. Who are we to judge? They have a young son and their marriage is their own business. Personally, I don’t think I could do it. Once trust is broken, it’s SO hard to rebuild it. Definitely not my forte.
(Tangent – When I share about my infidelity experience, I am referring to a previous relationship(s), not Mr. ShuGar.)
For those of us who have actually been cheated on, we are part of a select group of individuals who know how heart-breaking and life-altering the experience can be. I love how in movies they resolve the pain of having an unfaithful partner in just two hours. In real life – it’s a little harder than that! We carry a badge of honor knowing we “survived” it. You can immediately connect with someone who understands the immense heartache you suffer(ed). You never really forget it.
What has always baffled me has been the lack of respect for sisterhood when it comes to catching our men cheating with other women. I mean – where are my girls at? How could you do that to a fellow sister? I don’t care if our men are handsome, rich, vulnerable or whatever else. Can you think of the woman who he goes home to and the hurt you are inflicting on her? Where’s the girlie love?
To be fair, I am aware that it takes two to tango. The men aren’t the victims in these scenarios. They are clearly the offenders and they are fully responsible for their cheating actions. However, I guess I hold my girls at a higher standard. If you know that a man is in a committed relationship, why do you cross the line, regardless if he is coming on you? If anything, show the sisterhood some respect. There are plenty of other losers, I mean eligible bachelors, out there!
Finally, I’d like to emphasize how important trust is to any relationship. This is especially challenging when you’ve undergone a traumatic experience like infidelity. It leaves scars, which are VERY deep. Ladies (and gentlemen): You must learn to trust again. If you want to have a chance at happiness in a relationship, trust is at the root of it. I know it’s scary. But something that makes you feel that vulnerable usually implies growth. Please don’t let fear ruin your chance at love.
I am not speaking from hypotheticals. I was cheated on and it felt like my heart was pulled out, stepped on, put through a shredder, run over by a semi truck and then dumped to the bottom of the ocean. It has taken years of therapy and self-love to finally trust again. Zumba and improving my overall health were what I did to move on and stop wallowing in self-pity. Falling in love with Mr. ShuGar was a result of me healing. I am blessed that he came into my life when I was ready. However, I am not going to lie. I have my occasional “What if it happens again?” relapse and I have to always keep myself in check.
Trusting once again is the greatest gift you can grant yourself.
How have you survived infidelity? Do you have any tips for those who find themselves dealing with a cheating partner?
Let’s reclaim the sisterhood code!
Photo credit: Trust image