Doubt Infected

Doubt Reminder

Mr. ShuGar and I are enjoying a mini-vacation visiting his family in Lansing, Michigan.  I’m so looking forward to this much-needed time off.  I really need it. This year has been a whirlwind for both of us.

I took my laptop so that I can continue blogging while away because, for me, blogging is my heart. While on the flight, I was planning on reviewing a film for this post, but I decided to go in a different direction – something more personal and raw.

Have you ever been riddled with self-doubt? Do you ever question if what you are doing is good enough?

I’m not talking about wondering if what you are wearing matches or if you should have eaten those french fries over lunch. I’m referring to that nagging voice in your head, which gnaws at your confidence.  I hate that voice.

I’m usually someone that can shut self-doubt down and move forward. However, I am human and I am having a moment. Rather than allow it to poison my thoughts, I would like to share it with you in the hope of feeling not so alone.  If you give it power over you, doubt can act like an infection and spread to different parts of your life.  Confession: I have struggled with this for most of my life. It’s not something I am proud of, but it is true and I need to acknowledge this.

What I detest about my doubt is that it really affects my sense of being, which in turn affects those around me.  It’s my own fault since my doubt is self-inflicted.  Not to offer any excuses, but I think I know what some of the catalysts are.

  • I am a perfectionist. – How many of us over-achievers aren’t, right? Now, this is not necessarily a bad thing, since it has come in handy in my life. It’s the antithesis of apathy and I tend to never settle for second best. Yet, I end up beating myself up when I don’t measure up to my own expectations. I can be overly cruel to myself.  If you could only enter my brain and hear my internal dialogue, you’d be shocked I am sure. I would never tell someone the things I say to myself. It’s great to be ambitious, but I need to remind myself to be kind.
  • I compare myself to others. – I know this is so bad, but I can’t help myself sometimes.  I don’t do this all the time, but, as I previously mentioned, I have my moments when I do this and it creates an avalanche of my self-doubt. I believe competition in moderation is completely acceptable, but when you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to others, you will inevitably find a deficiency. We are all unique and have different abilities and talents. It’s unfair to compare yourself to others when you end up viewing yourself as the weaker one. A little healthy competition is fine; It’s the obsessing over it which brings on the doubt monster.

I hope I am not the only one with these feelings – I think there are others like me out there.  In one of my previous writing classes, we read a great book about the struggles of artists called, The War of Art.  Many of these artistic challenges can be applicable to others who have goals and dreams in their lives.  I highly recommend this book if you have ever been afflicted with doubt.

I have no answers as to how to vaporize this self-doubt virus, except to be aware of it when it begins to take over my mind. I believe this is the first step in fighting the doubt and winning the battle.  The more you develop this awareness, the better you can take the doubt, put it in a box in your brain, lock it up and throw away that key.  We all possess the power to kill the doubt.

Photo credit: Masters Channel