No, I am not pregnant. But for the first time in my life, I wish I were. As I mentioned in a previous blog post about my maternal instincts, I have never been the type of gal to say her life long dream was to be a mother. I have always been very career-focused and my only dream was to travel the world.
Something happened when I met Mr. ShuGar.
Before I met him, I had several relationships, but none that ever inspired me to want to be a mother. It was not until I fell in love with Mr. ShuGar that I began to entertain the thought of starting a family. Soon after that, I would catch myself gazing at him and wondering if our ShuGar babies would look just as cute as him.
Life, in its infinite wisdom, is not making it so easy now that we decided to try for baby. It’s almost as if we are being told, “Well, now that you changed your mind, you’re going to have to work for it.” I guess I always thought that once you decide to have a baby – poof! You become pregnant. Nope. It doesn’t work that way.
I can recall the exact day I knew I wanted to have a ShuGar baby. It was just this year and I had made yet another appointment with the infamous OBGYN. I asked my supervisor to leave work early to go to the doctor. Of course, there was traffic at 2:30 p.m. It’s LA after all. I was basically stuck in a parking lot on a semi-major street watching the clock taunt me as the minutes passed by. I couldn’t believe that I left an hour early to go less than ten miles and I was going to be late.
After about 30 minutes in bumper-to-bumper traffic, my car (and I) were fuming. This was to be my first official pre-conception appointment and I was going to miss it!
And then it happened, a car hit me from behind. Now, I have been in several accidents before so I am well aware of the thoughts that rush into your head the second you are hit. Yet, none of those thoughts popped into my head.
Instead, I thought, “Who cares? I just gotta make this appointment. I’ll just keep on driving.”
That is so-not a Mrs. ShuGar response. After a few more minutes of sitting in my car contemplating what to do, I stepped out and talked to the young lady who rear-ended me. She was clearly upset, tears filling up in her eyes, and immensely apologetic as she explained her excuse.
Me – I was calm and direct. “I need to make it to my doctor’s appointment. We want to have a baby.” That was the first time I uttered those words out loud – to a stranger no less! Something kicked in inside of me as soon as I said that. I quickly instructed her to exchange our information. I then got into my car, found a side street and began maneuvering my path around the traffic jam. I swirled in and out of all sorts of cars and, in the meantime, called my doctor and told her I would be late, but I WOULD BE THERE.
Driving to the doctor, I began to get really emotional. I wasn’t going to let anything get in my way of this appointment. I wanted to be there – I wanted to become a mommy. Crying at this point, I was thinking that this maybe was a sign that I wasn’t supposed to have a child because I never wanted one before. I felt remorse and guilt for my previous feelings and, by the time I got to the doctor’s office, my face was all puffy and red. Nonetheless, I made it and I was only 45 minutes late.
That was the day my ShuGar baby was born in my heart. On that day, I felt my motherly instincts kick in and I had never really felt that before. Semi – tangent: And so my blog was born out of my desire to chronicle my journey to become a mother.
Turns out, wanting to have a baby and having a baby are two very different goals. The former took me a while and the latter is proving challenging. Yet, we are finally here and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Turns out the missing piece was the right person to be the daddy. Now, all we need is our ShuGar baby to make our family complete.