Grin and Bear It: What Ever Happened to Doctors?


Is it really that impossible to find a good doctor?  I mean, I know they exist because I hear people proclaim they have a great doctor. Yet, I still haven’t found one and, frankly, I’m getting tired of searching.  Specifically, I don’t know how many OBGYN’s I have to try before I find “the one.”

What makes this search even more difficult is the fact that I have had on-going “female” problems that require frequent doctor visits. In the past five years, I think I have seen five different OBGYN’s – all medically competent, but all lacking any real ability to help me.  To make matters worse, they seem to lack any sensitivity to my medical condition, and it can be very emotional discussing my most intimate medical problems with someone who clearly doesn’t care. It appears bedside manners have long gone out the window!

Now, more than ever, I wish I could find a compassionate and competent doctor who cares enough to diagnose my condition. Mr. ShuGar and I would like to have a baby, but my medical situation makes it very challenging to do so. Unfortunately, every doctor I have seen has no solution but to give me antibiotics or poke around. The results are always the same – everything’s normal.  Really? It sure doesn’t feel like it!

My latest OBGYN disaster was classic. I saw her with an open mind because I really wanted to find “the one.”  After having two appointments with her where she made me wait for an hour and a half twice to finally get the chance to see her for a whopping five minutes both times, I have decided I need to find another doctor – once again! What really upset me was that after I was waiting in the examination room half dressed for that long, she had the audacity to come in, with no apology, and almost act annoyed that I had so many questions about my condition. Her solution was to “grin and bear it.” That’s it.  That is the last time I plan on seeing her.

Alas, I am on the search once again. I am optimistic, but my patience is running thin. All I want is for someone to care enough to help me.  Is that really too much to ask?

In my profession, we are in the business of being compassionate and attentive and we would never get away with how these doctors have treated me.

In response to my last doctor, I will not bear it. I will continue to search and hope. I have to. There’s no other way. And one day, I pray sooner rather than later, I will find a good doctor who can help me and I will grin – a big grin.

  • Liliana

    Carmen, I am sorry you had that experience. I know exactly how you feel.

    I had an outrageous experience at Kaiser about a month ago– dealing with fertility issues. I had to get a “womb x-ray” to see if there are any blockages or anything preventing me from getting pregnant. I was very nervous about getting this invasive test– the Dr. basically inserts a catheter in the cervix and injects a radioactive solution inside and takes an xray. Anyway, the front desk told me to go to the wrong waiting room and when the nurse finally found me she reprimanded me for being in the wrong waiting room. She went on to sigh loudly when I took a minute to read the waiver she asked me to sign. Then, the Dr. came in, did not introduce herself or explain a single thing about the procedure. I had to ask her to tell me the name of the procedure just to make sure I was having the right one done! Everything was over in less than 10 minutes, but she didn’t respond to any of my questions or even acknowledge them. I don’t think I’m particularly soft spoken, so it’s unlikely she didn’t hear me.

    It was extremely upsetting and I was at a loss over what had just happened. Luckily, Dan had taken the day off work to be there with me. I was visibly upset afterward and he helped me file a complaint. I don’t know if anything will come of it, but I felt I had to say something. I know doctors are busy, but it is unacceptable to be dismissive about a patient’s concerns or questions. A little compassion and humanity is not too much to ask for.

    • Oh, Liliana. I am SO sorry to hear you went through that. That is awful and downright unacceptable. What happens to doctors? Does med school not teach them anything? We are the ones that suffer when we have medical conditions that force us to see them more rather than less. I’m glad your man was there with you; so was mine. It made me feel not alone. Still, I know it was hard for him to experience, as I’m sure it was for Dan. Glad you filed a complaint. I will do that as soon as I find another doctor. That’s a great idea. What happened to the complaint? We have to speak up and not take it. It’s completely insulting to have to deal with these mediocre doctors. I hope we find better ones soon. Thank you for sharing. Many hugs….

  • Vanessa

    Boopid, I’m really sorry to hear that you are still going through these feminine issues. I can’t believe how rude some people can be, especially doctors. They are supposed to help you, not make you feel worse. I have definitely seen my share of doctors when I was going through my own feminine issues. I met all types at the kaiser on sunset, pasadena, downey and bellflower. Like anything, some were very patient and understanding while others were completely insensitive. I wish you would switch back to kaiser because I have a few doctors I would recommend. It’s nice at Kaiser because you have so many options there. I’ll keep you in my prayers. Let me know if there is anything I can do.

  • Katrina

    Hey Carmen! I am so sorry you have been having such a hard time finding a compassionate doctor. I have to play my “representative for a medical school” card. I really suggest you look for a DO versus an MD. If you are not familiar, DOs are fully licensed physicians who are trained to practice medicine just like MDs. Don’t worry, it’s not a strange type of doctor. 🙂 DOs go through 4 years of med school, are board certified, and compete with MDs for the same residencies.

    All that background aside, I have to say, my DO is an amazing family physician. She is great. DOs are trained during medical school to BE compassionate. seriously, look for DOs – I’m sure you will have a much better experience!!

    • Thanks, Katrina. I appreciate your knowledge and insight into my dilemma. I think I may have found a good OBGYN so hopefully this works out. If not, I will def consider a DO because it sounds like they are more compassionate and, probably, less overwhelmed. Either way, thanks for caring. I value that very much.